not all it is cracked up to be

on thursday october 16, 2008 i have tickets to Game 5 of the ALCS! Go Sox!

i thought that my dad and i were getting along and then today he told me that he is going to take my brother to hawaii... and not me. he already did this once when he took my brother to portugal. does he really think that this is ok?! what the hell is wrong with him??? sometimes i wonder where i even came from because i did not get the asshole gene that my father seems to possess. really i think that my dad doesn't have a mind of his own and he just goes with whatever his bitch wife says. then he wonders why i stop talking to him for months and years at a time.

so NYC is a fun city. certain things that have taken place here since moving have not been so great. overall, it is an interesting place to be right now and a good place to decide where i want to go next.

the job is ok. it hasn't really proven to be as challenging as i thought it was going to be. it pays better than pearson did in boston but the city of new york, the state of new york, and the fedral goverment end up getting the extra in all of the taxes that they charge for the luxury of living in NYC. is it really a luxury to not have clean air?

my former best friend is crazy. not just the, oh that girl is crazy, ha ha. no. i really believe that she is certifiably crazy. i have been looking into it more and more and i think that she might actually have borderline personality disorder with some bipolar disorder thrown in to make it a little more interesting. they say that normally people don't find out that other people have these kinds of disorders until they actually live with them and have to deal with the mania and outbursts of irrational behavior on a daily basis. let's just say i put a lock on my door because she decided that she was going to storm into my room at midnight one night to yell at me.

these are the symptoms:

• Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment- she makes these brash irrational decisions that she wants to move back to seattle because she has no friends and no one that care about her in new york and she doesn't have anyone except her family in seattle. at least she thinks that they love and care about her.
  
• A pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation- i don't even want to get in to this one... it would take too long
• Identity disturbance: markedly and persistently unstable self-image or sense of self- she is deeply obsessed with the way she appears to people that she admits are not even her friends. i don't understand it but she will change what she likes or is into at the moment based on the people that she is with.
• Impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g., spending, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating)- she has already actually admitted to having an "issue" with promiscuity and then there is her whole need to buy expensive furniture for an apartment that neither of us plan on living in for more than a couple of years,
  
• Recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, or threats, or self-mutilating behavior- this one isn't actually an issue
• Affective instability due to a marked reactivity of mood (e.g., intense episodic dysphoria, irritability, or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days)- she again says that she is depressed sometimes because she is "lonely."
  
• Chronic feelings of emptiness- this could be what she calls her other issue "lonliness"
  
• Inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger (e.g., frequent displays of temper, constant anger, recurrent physical fights)- she busted in to my room at midnight to yell at me about an e-mail that I sent her and the fact that i moved my toothpaste out of the bathroom. not to mention she can't even handle standing in line at the grocery store without flipping out. anger- i think yes!
  
• Transient, stress-related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptom- she gets super stressed out and can't handle it so she ends up lashing out on everyone around her. she ended our 5 year friendship after one such instance because she said that i just wasn't a good friend when i wouldn't help her move.

pretty much everyone i work with thinks she is nuts and that goes for the rest of my friends in NYC as well. most of them want to come over to our apartment just to see her and what they think is some kind of circus sideshow.

come one, come all!

that's all folks!

today was melancholy and exciting all at the same time. first let me just say that i really enjoyed working for Pearson. It was a great experience and the business and the people that I worked with taught me a lot about the industry and myself as well. i gave my resignation on wednesday and today they decided that i could leave today instead. but its all cool. i don't think i could be happier to be away from my bitch of a boss and its like getting three weeks of paid vacation!

i made a joke to brian at karen's expense and it ended up landing me more time for myself and no work for a month. awesome! on top of that i just get to work at the bakery more which just helps me make more money for the move to nyc. really, a win win all around.

on the road again

it is once again time for a new move. yesterday i accepted a position with Simon & Schuster in New York City. I start my new job on June 2 and i don't think that i could be any more excited and scared at the same time.

nyc holds so many more opportunities for a career and even a more exciting life than what boston has offered so far. i like boston and i have made a lot of friends here now, but i have never loved boston. i have spent the last few months incredibly unhappy at work and i felt like it was eating my soul. no job is worth that. happiness is by the far the most important thing to maintain because without it... what are you really living for? i will miss the red sox :( from now on most of my games will be in concrete jungle of yankee stadium. boo to that.

so yeah... we'll see how things go. for now i am focusing on having fun in seattle at the end of may. it will be full of music and baseball games. what could possibly be better for the beginning of summer?!?

what a failure

it is so sad that i don't post more often. i really enjoy blogging.

since my last post i traveled to istanbul, turkey and greece for a little vacation in november and then i headed out to seattle for christmas and new year's. it was good times. i miss seeing my friends as often as I would like.

instead i work... somewhere in the 65-70 hour a week range. i don't find it to be challenging or rewarding anymore. i find it more to be tedious and boring. i applied for a new job at work. i didn't get it and so i applied for a different position which could possibly be my Pearson dream job. The day after i applied i was offered the job of "sales campaign coordinator" in my region which sounds like it could be fun and interesting for about six months. i am hesitant to accept. i want the west coast again. i want the rain and clouds over this snow and wind. i want long drives around sane drivers instead of these grumpy new englanders who act like they rule the road.

i hate it here.

if i stay i may just be due for a check-in in depression city at some point. not right now though. i am having fun here right now. part of me feels that i need to stay here to make my career into something more. the other part wants to run far far away.

this is kind of what i felt like when i was about to graduate from college and i had the choice before me of applying to law schools or digging myself into the the corporate hole of gluttony. obviously i started digging into the corporate hole. now i may just be digging deeper. tunnel to china anyone? i may make it there in time for the emergence of china as the world's next super power on the rate that i am digging. maybe not.

i wish i could be an independently wealthy nomad. tell the world that the corporate systems and the United States political machines are not for me and spend my days brushing llamas on the inca trail for a few months followed by lounging away days in the sun somewhere in the south of france. something like a perpetual eco tourist with a panache for some of the flair and fun associated with having money.

in other news... i fought off this cold for a really long time but alas it has caught up with me. :(

This weekend will undoubtedly be spent in bed with a lot of fluids and cold medicine.